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I had nothing to be proud of, nothing that set me apart. I saw only my failures, which trumped my successes in every scenario. Every meaningful thing was meaningless, every proud moment was pride-less, and every loving moment was void of love. This is how my life was to be lived. A struggle against myself, against God and against especially my body, which I had constantly fought since I was a very young girl. I knew I needed to talk to someone when I saw no meaning in my college graduation. I was in total fear of life outside of my school safety net. I ended up moving to Indiana post-graduation to work on a congressional campaign. Emotionally abused by my boss, in way over my head, and with no idea how to do my job, I was thankfully fired. I came back home to live with my parents in Valley Center after 3 months in Indiana, nowhere to go, no where to turn. Hopeless to my expected career and profession, constantly questioning of what possibly could have gone wrong and why I never fit into what I planned for myself. I
decided to get help, there had to be happiness in life, there
just HAD to be! I had faith in that, but that was about all.
Then I decided to meet with Rhoda Reilly, LCSW, Heart-Centered
Therapy and her therapy dog, Ziggy. Rhoda was marveled by all
my accomplishments, something that was very familiar to me.
I was used to people being surprised by all that I had done
at such a young age. She told me that she could see that I was
very ready to change my life and that she could help. I didn't
believe her. I continued in my disbelief for a while longer,
but as she predicted, I eventually began to It has been 9 mos. since I began to work on myself. I see Rhoda weekly; along with her therapy dog Ziggy, who always knows what I need. Ziggy has also had quite the little life himself, and is a consistent reminder to me of unconditional love and affection, something of which I have learned to have for myself. My life now is filled with meaning, love, pride, and respect for all of the wonderful things of my past, present, and future. What a beautiful thing it is, that I've learned how to live in the present, see things and people as beings of love, not hate and ungratefulness. I continue to work on serenity and peace in my job situation, being able to see that becoming a multi-millionaire didn't necessarily mean that I was happy (a girl can dream, right?). I left a career-driving job far from my home to work a service job with co-workers who couldn't be any closer than family to me. I am now looking for a new position working with animals, something that I always saw as a last resort. As I did my work with Rhoda, I realized that most of the things in my life that made me the happiest had been pushed behind "obligation" to work in my field and had become "last resorts." I see happy possibilities for my future, whether they are in my current field, or in another way. Service, whether it is to animals, or humans, is my calling. What a liberating feeling to be able to leave your career up to the universe! In December of last year, I decided that I would run a half-marathon. This is a big step for the girl who couldn't sleep the night before she had to run the mile for P.E class in high school. I also decided that this could be the personal 'coming-out' for my new life. Proving to myself that this process of positivism and conscious reprogramming actually works. The race was set for June 5th, 2011, I was running the San Diego Rock and Roll Half-Marathon. I remember early January, I stood naked in front of my bathroom mirror, and told myself, that no matter how far I got, how hard I trained, how many injuries I acquired, or how many runs I passed on, that I would be unconditionally proud of my decision and willingness to begin. And so I began. 19 hours until the race, and I stumbled upon this quote by John J. Bigham: "The miracle is not that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." How overwhelming it was to read that quote! I am that miracle! Six months of training and a total ran distance of over 150 miles, and I was ready for the big day... Three days ago I finished the half marathon. I ran an energizing 13.1 miles in 3 hours, 23 minutes, and 33 seconds without stopping! This is what I had to say in my runners-journal the night before the race, I think this sums up my journey thus far quite nicely: It is amazing, the human body. It truly is. It's amazing that it listens to what we say, and follows so diligently. If you tell it no, no will be the answer. If you tell it yes, WOW the possibility. I am certain of this fact because I am its product. I am the product of self-love. I have a sore hip, but I am very ready. I have never felt so powerful, capable and needed in my whole life. I am the product of self-love. I am excited & nervous, all wrapped into one, but I feel so powerful. Thanks to saying yes to myself and to my body for responding in the only way it knows to: following the leader. I am so grateful for my body. All its parts. To every last bone and muscle, all of which will be working their hardest to move me my longest ever distance, 13.1 miles. Man, am I ready for this!! What a beautiful, surrendering and humble life that was given to me by God. Praise be to him for creation. Praise be to power, love, accomplishment & winning. May it forever continue on my race of life. *See you at the finish line, you beautiful being! I
am just beginning, but have made enormous strides in the past
year. This is due to Rhoda's guidance and amazing personal stories
of beating odds herself with depression and emptiness in her
own life. Rhoda and Ziggy are invaluable co-pilots on this journey
that I've decided to embark upon. Who knows where in the world
I'll end up next... |
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I
was hopeless, in the worst sense of the word. I shared no positivism
with the world. I had just received my BA from a top-50 US university.
I had traveled the world, 9 countries to be exact, in my few
years as a college student. I worked abroad in my major, advising
Scottish parliamentarians' in their own policy-making. Made
and had many friends, and a family that was enthusiastically
proud of me for my accomplishments, not just in college, but
in all things I had done.